reminiscin’ :)

naisipan ko lang buksan ulit yung dati kong email, the one i had way back in high school pa. ino-open ko from time to time but i never really read mails. naiipon lang. tapos kanina tinopak ako. so i started reading all the mails there again. come to find out na andun parin pala mga emails nya. kakakilig! hehe! wala lang. napapangiti lang ako. haha! galing yan kay….alam nyo na. hehe!

Re: BASAHIN MO NA LANG……….MISS YOU!

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wag mo ako alalahanin,naiintindihan kita,infact nasabi ko n sa self ko n ill just support u kc para naman s kabutihan mo yung pag alis mo.kaya ko dalhin self ko, kaya ko i-endure lahat tested n yun kaya nga army db?basta cnabi mo babalik k naman dba?sarili ko 2 at kaya handa ako sa consequences ng magiging result,sabi nga take risk who knws anu yung bukas db.kahapon 1st tym ko maramdaman yung ganung lungkot sa cnabi mo and i knw then d2 ka na sa sarili ko.aasa pa rin ako na babalik k and i’ll bet my tym na hintayin yung tym n yun,isusugal ko tym n mag hintay.may tiwala ako sayo eh.teka malalate nko  -he emailed this right after i told him i was going somewhere far far away and that maybe it’s better if he’ll just forget about me or “us”.   Re: =) From: To:            SANA DUMAAN K D2 PAG PAALIS KANA..I WANT TO SEE U B4 U GO.I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT U AND WAT REALI I FEEL.PAGBIGYAN MO SANA AKO S PAKIUSAP KO.DI AKO IIYAK PAG ALIS MO.PERO MASASAKTAN AKO PAG DUN KANA.MAY BAHAGI SA PUSO KO N PARA TLGA SAYO LNG DEPENDE YUN SAYO KUNG BABALIK  K SUMDAY. IF NOT, I’LL GO. -etong email na ‘to eh nung 3 days bago ako umalis. i eventually went to the academy to say goodbye. hindi kami iyakin pareho pero nung magkaharap na kami walang umiimik. iyak lang kami pareho. siguro mga ilang minutes din. hawak lang nya mga kamay ko (kung may nagbabasang bugo-bugo dito o ka tedaks, wag na kayong mag-abalang mag-endorse. hindi kami nahuli). tapos niyakap nya ko ng mahigpit na mahigpit. hindi ko sya kayang tingnan. wala naman talaga kaming choice kundi malayo sa isa’t-isa…kahit nun pa man.   Re: =) From: To:     // ako n lng muna mag mail syo kc cguro pagnapupunta dyan eh nagkaka amnesia kc d n yata ako naalala.mis n kita kya e2 mangungu musta.malamig  n b dyan o winter n?nway bc daw lugar n yan kya ok lng n di ka nakamail agad.pag may tym k kwen2 k 2ngkol dyan okey.malungkot d2 kc layo mo n,wala n dadalaw skin.saka syempre kaw.we tend to compare things pag di mo n sa kamay 1 bagay.mararamdaman mo lng talaga lungkot kung makkranas k kligayahan.cnsbi ko lng syo  kung anu pakiramdam ko pero masasanay din ako.ok lng d2 liban s nasabi ko knina.ingt lagi ha!lumabas pla kami nung election c gma parin leading 2nd c poe.pumunta ko dun s burnham park pala masarap kc icipin n minsan kasakasama kita dun.hehehe!wala n pala dati ko # sa cp nawala kc cp ko dun nalingat ako kya nawala.wala p ko new # ska nlng cguro.anu address mo ngayon? -i told you guys, he tried hard. sana meron pang mga nagmamahal na ganyan ano? bihira na lang. yung tipong kahit anong mangyari eh hindi ka basta bibitawan lang.     Do you Yahoo!? Friends. Fun. Try the all-new Yahoo! Messenger never kita naka2limutan,train ko lang self ko 2 be strong nung umalis k.ngayon naka adjust na me wid the hectic schedule here mabilis me magrecover.i miss u a lot,but ganun tlaga buhay.akala ko kaw n nkalimut sakin im just waiting 4 ur msg,thanks ha.follow ur dreams kc yun lng magpapasya syo.ok n ko,,kso dyan kna kaya d2 nlng me lagi loob.im so hapi nag mail k.u lyk ba corp mag ipadala ko b?bka kc d mo na rin mbasa kc bc k lagi.im always here though minsan nwawala alam mo n.kaya mo yan friend kaw pa.saka dyan c God dika nya pabbyaan.nag FTX kami kaya ngayon lng at 11 month na nwalan ng e net d2.may klase na kami ,nway hayaan mo i’ll mail u frm tym 2tym ok.galingan mo dyan ha balitaan moko lagi d2.d2 lng me.friend I love you!ingat lagi ha.walang iyakan dyan ha!sa b-day ko i grit moko ha! paalala lng, kung di mag tatampo ako sayo.hapi tlag me s msg mo thanks ulit naalaala mo ko.regards s family mo i;ll pray 4 always okey.till next     -that was the time na sobrang busy ako at sinadya ko rin hindi magparamdam for a while. just for a change. oh well, ganito ang nagagawa ng malayo.   Re: nakalimutan mo na ata ako…. From: To:     //   mahal ko na malayo, bilib nga me sayo malakas  loob mo.kaya mo yan kc pilipino tayo db?maggaling mga pinoy khit itanong mo sa iba.sana sa ibang araw magkita ulit tayo.sana dka magbago.mybe s tym na yun we r different na ng konti pero sum things never really change.we may seems older na cguro pero ganun p rin.malungkot d2 minsan,pero ayaw ko ng ganun ng may naaalala tapos nalulungkot iniicip ko lng na ur fine dyan.ibigay mo address mo skin ha?sa uulitin ulit,ulitin ko take care lagi okey! -he’s the one who always pushes me to the limits. masyadong bilib sa akin ang taong ‘to. akala nya yata eh nanay ko si superwoman. meron bang ganun? hehe! nonetheless, he’s one of the few people i highly look up to. he made me a better person. waaaaayyyy better.   y,  mobile k pala,no permanent address.nandyan kn kaya u adopt na dyan ganun tlag yan.march pa.wala pko plan after graduaion basta one day lng at a tym coz i dnt knw wat awaits tomorow.ccguraduhin ko lng n im on the ryt track.uncertain kc tlaga 2ng npili kong kalagyan.buti nga nung d2 k npsaya mo ko.tnx 4 dat tym icud say n that is one of my hapiest moments.4 sure tym wil make us differnt mybe better person,more mature,changed view cguro .sayo ko lng 2 nassabi kc naiintindihan mko db.wish cul talk 2 u always kc u listen. BE SURE KA HA.  -eto nung malapit na graduation nya. hindi ako nagsabi kahit kanino na may binabalak akong surprise. i went to attend his graduation day. he was caught off guard. sobrang gulat nya talaga. i could never ever explain how happy and surprised he was. that one memory makes me smile everytime. Re: nakalimutan mo na ata ako…. From: To:     // nagstart n klase nmin kya cguro mdalas n kita m bigyan msg basta di gaanu busy at wala ganu activity.anung season dyan ngayon,winter b or what?alam mo b n kung anu narranasan mong hirap ngyon ay it will shape ur character 2 be stronger,2be more patient.mllaman mo n more confident kn pagnalagpsan mo yang hirap n nrramdaman mo ngyon.magbabago pananaw mo,titibay panindigan mo.in short it will make you what u shud be in the future,mybe yan ang design ng Diyos sayo.sumhow dumaan nko sa ganung stage at ang sitwasyon mo ay iba din pero the lesson is the same,,so nasayo how u will make ur own stori.chapter  daw yung lyf and experience gives us wisdom.na di lng 2lay ang best way to cross a river,minsan daw u have to swim defending  s sitwasyon, we consider n kc evry factor; mind n heart and that is wisdom.isipin mo lng n lyf is ol risk and only those who dare will know the taste of triumph.sabi nga be there and be the actor not as viewer.never mind the comment of the viewer kc cla yung mga duwag,it take great courage to be the performer db?sabi nga s army GO!GO!GO!share ko lng paniniwala ko sayo.cge balik n muna me barracks. -now you know why this person helped me build a strong character.     hi,sigurado ok ka na dyan.bago n rin superintendent namin ,di na c adan iba n ugali ng iba kadete sayang nga kc yung iba parang mga sibilyan n kumilos cguro dahil wala n hazing.3 months nlng kami d2 then opc na.minsan lumalbas me d2 pasyal lng mag isa s city,naiisip ko kung d2 k sana eh di may companion me mamasyal at may kakwen2han.nway anu balita sayo dyan?me d2 e2 buhay p rin hehe!nililibang ko lng sarili ko para masaya.2matakbo prin me para pagod at pag gabi para di n ganu nag iisip.miss n miss n kita!reply k pag may tym ha!wag k alala ksama k lagi s prayers ko. -you know what’s really good with him? i don’t have to exert an effort to be appreciated and remembered. he cares for e unconditionally…with or without anything.       Re: nakalimutan mo na ata ako…. From: To:     // hi!natanggap ko n letter mo.ngulat nga ako kc im not expecting such.220 naman talaga n nkikinig k skin and im glad for being such 2me.di mo lng alam na i appreciate it 2much.parang ayaw mo na ah,gus2 mo n me maghanap ng iba.cguro kung magkaroon me bago matagal p diko alam kc mas gus2 ko lng gani2 saka nandyan k naman ok n ako gani2.wag ka alala pag naramdaman ko n pwede n me ulit mag simula s panibagong relasyon ill let u know.ayaw ko maging unfair na may gf na pero ikaw p rin iniicip ko,kawawa nman tao dba?kaw cguro meron na tell me ha pag meron kn dyan,bestfriend tayo di ba?gumawa me ng sulat sayo k2lad ni2 rin msg.kailan k kaya ppasyal stin?naisip ko lng pero ayaw ko na icipin baka d n rin.pacensya nngayon lng ako nkareply.ok lng ako d2.may mga konting problema pero ganun talaga kc nga army expect na bawal umangal.reply k if u have tym at balitaan mo me dyan.anu bago syo dyan?anu observation mo dyan?give me comparison.nevermind chowking muna kung wala dyan hanap ka muna alternatives.are u having tym to somehow reflect bout ur self? -ang sabi ko sa sulat ko, ayokong itali nya ang sarili nya sa akin kasi hindi ko sya kayang bigyan ng assurance. unfair din naman yun. kaya pinipilit ko syang ireto sa iba. as you can see, my plans failed. ganun talaga.       march pa!opc namin sa 25 oct tentative pa lng.excited na ko sa field mabilis tym dun cgurado di na boring.ok lng work buti ka nga may work panu na mga wala mas miserable buhay nila.just enjoy ur work.sana nga bumalik k p rin d2 kahit minsan minsan.mrami mganda bagay d2 satin n wala sa iba and u know what they are 4 free d2 and usually they are meant 2be unseen mararamdaman mo lng.nway we have our own view wd lyf.we see things differently,but i still hope 2 c u one day.marami tao sa mundo pero lahat kc unique kaw pinaka gus2 ko uniqueness,very different.nag iisa k lng kaya.mabilis mag salita,snappy mag icip,nakikiliti sa tuhod,dinadalaw ako nung d2 kp,mahilig chowking,marami gusto gawin at di alam uunahin,anu pa ba?saka syempre mahal ko kaya favorite kita.hayaan mo susulatan kita minsan before ako gagraduate.ingat lagi ha!attach ka naman picture mo miss na kc tlaga kita. i’m liking ur color anyway. i love you so much!   -one of the things i lov about him, he notices the simplest things!     HELLO,okey yang magkrun k ng mga friends dyan.ganun tlga dapat. kttpos lng ng entrance exam sa pma d2 me sa pma nag proctor nung 5 sept.excited yun g mga applicants pero nung mag start na exam u will smile wd there reactions.myrong prang nanlamig my sumimangot,pailing iling and etc.sbi ko nga ganun tlga exam b4 admission. mrami ring bagyo dumaan d2 kya minsan msaya kc pag ganun wala parade hehehe.anu pb….nakalabas me pasyal nga me s burham kc tahimik dun plipas oras cyempre naalala kita dun.dn me kumain sa chowking kc mkikita ko ice cream mo hahahaha.i am becoming concern n s future ko kc di lagi kadete and im not gettin younger,sumting plan na magiging make me nman….. u knw etc. -he was just checkin’ and chismisin’. hehe!   wow mukhang enjoy kn dyan.gud 4 u! 3x b kamo mag email…cge ma’am, comply ako. hehehe.alam mo nman n d talaga me mahilig mag mail kya ko lng 2 ginagawa kc tru this lng me magkaroon communication sayo tsaka syempre love kita.nway cge 3x lng ha kc baka maubusan me information at mwalan n me kwento db?yung # ko nxt mail ko nlng kc nwla na cp ko at mtagal n rin me d gamit cp.promis ko next message ko ibibigay sayo okey!teka nsan picture mo?sbi mo next bat wala?hws ur study pala?is it tru n mas magagaling tayo kaysa sa foreigner?they have the resources kc kya gumagaling cla pero given the same oppurtunity maiiwan natin cla.u must be magaling na mag english ngayon ha!gusto ko english next msg mo okey pra mahasa ulit icip ko hehehe. -and he makes me laugh to my hearts content…:D   phabol 2 kc may duty n me 092########.next tym n lng ulit ok -he complies to what he says. bihira na ang mga ganyang tao ngayon. kayang panindigan ang sinasabi.   the was the end of the emails, but the start of phone calls and post mails, and packages. sweet and spice and everything nice. i fell in love with him. we can’t really figure out what went wrong, but he took the blame. i realized after some years that it was actually my fault. i’m always away. always leaving him. but then, he never said anything. we still talk just the same. somehow. he said there can only be one me. it’s either me or no one else. sabi ko naman, someday darating din yung para sa kanya talaga. pero hanggang ngayon, andyan parin sya.   -ps. i didn’t post my responses to his messages. my own prerogative. ayoko lang. yung sa kanya na lang basahin nyo. kung may mga katanungan kayo, leave me a message. i reserve the right to answer them or not. hehe!

it came over me in a rush

mabibigla ka na lang pag isang araw magigising ka na terminally ill ka na pala. wala man lang paramdam. basta mapapansin mo na lang may nag-iisang pagbabago sa katawan mo. tapos pagpunta mo sa doktor, sasabihin sa’yo na grabe na yung sakit mo. pinipilit mong sagipin ang buhay ng iba, hindi mo alam yung sa’yo eh patapon na pala.

 

ICU – i see you

just when i thought things are going unnoticed…

ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

airman Y arrived at the airforce base with a winning attitude. she is efficient at her duties and ready to step in without asking. she is filling the shoes of a seasoned medic without any signs of falling behind. she will stay late, arrive early, and come in on weekends to make sure the workload and workforce runs smoothly and patients do not have to wait for immunizations or vaccines as she make ends meet in between all the demands of her duties. she works well with others as evidenced by her ability to get her teams’ work done and assist with other teams’ needs during the duty day. she is a leader and team player.

she has always been the first to assist or volunteer when she sees a need. during a time when our administrative staff was low she would go to the window to assist with checking-in patients and answering questions and was still able to complete her extra newly assigned duty of putting in audionotes lab results, radiology results, and getting letters ready to mail for results for other diagnostics. she is already in-charge of the financial fund, assisting with combined federal campaign, has extensively worked even during unholy hours in the air force week, a distinguished medical officer of the civil air patrol in the local area, among other volunteering duties.

on top of it all, she has taken over caring for a relative in need and as such is functioning as a single mother. she still is active in her community and is on a soccer team with her peers. she is physically fit and meeting all the Air Force Standards. she continues to impress and surprise her coworkers and we are thrilled to count her among “our team”. i feel she has outshone her peers and deserves recognition for a job well done!

 

signed

col. thatshowweroll

commander, usaf

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. i ommitted the names so as not to put anything or anyone in jeopardy. soldiers will always be brothers by arms and by blood.  sir, salamat po sa award.

scar tissue

i hold the hands of the people i never touch.

i provide comfort to people i never embrace.

i watch people walk into brick walls, the same ones over and over again, and coax them to turn around and try to walk in a different direction.

people rarely see me gladly. as a rule, i catch the residue of the despair. i see people who are broken, and people who only think they are broken. i see people who have had their faces rubbed in their failures. i see weak people wanting anesthesia and strong people who wonder what they have done to make such an enemy of fate. i am often the final pit stop people take before they crawl across the finish line that is marked: i give up.

some people beg me to help.

some people dare me to help.

sometimes the beggars and dare-ers look the same. absolutely the same. i’m supposed to know how to tell them apart.

some people who visit me need scar tissue to cover their wounds. some people who visit me need their wounds opened further, explored for for signs of infection and contamination. i make those calls, too.

some days i’m invigorated by it all. some days i’m numbed.

always, i’m humbled by the role of helper.

and, occassionally, i’m ambushed.

when it rains, it pours.

off ko kahapon, sa wakas. ilang months na kong hindi nagte-take ng leave. wala na rin akong ibang isinasagot sa lahat kundi “busy ako sa trabaho.” which is totoo naman talaga. standard 8 hours yung patient care, pero technically eh 24/7 ako naka-duty dahil sa military. so kahit mag-over-over time pa ko (more than 8 hours), walang bayad yun. kung ano yung paygrade/rank mo eh dun din ibe-base yung sweldo. ok lang sa akin. natupad ko na pangarap ko kaya secondary na lang lahat. kumbaga bonus na lang kasi fulfilled na pakiramdam ko. anyway, dapat kahapon ko pa ‘to ipo-post pero dumalaw yung isang tropa ko at lumabas kami. post-birthday treat daw nya sa ‘kin. sa sobrang tuwa ko sa dami ng cakes na binili nya at balloons, pansamantalang natabunan yun mga alalahanin ko sa trabaho.

dalawa na kaming most junior sa unit. pero yung bagong kasama ko eh laging naka-leave o kaya naman nasa office lang nya. ngayon naka-convalescent leave sya ng 2 wks, he just had an incision and drainage of cyst on his back and they prescribed him tons of narcotics. badtrip kasi hindi naman ganun kagrabe yung surgery eh akala mo naman naputulan ng kamay. parang hindi sundalo. samantalang singlaki naman ng higante. hahay!

dalawa sa ka-unit ko ang naka-deploy ngayon at pinag-uusapan pa na we might respond to humanitarian relief mission sa american samoa dahil sa nakalipas na tsunami dun. ibig sabihin mababawasan na naman ang workforce. and oh, natanggal sa trabaho yung dalawang civilian contractors na kasama namin. dalawang key positions sa admin ang nabakante. ours is a satellite unit kaya all around sa trabaho. from admin works to patient care to referrals, labs, meds, procedures, name it and we usually do it. at ngayon, hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa ako ang most junior kaya ako ang pinu-pull para gawin yung mga bagay na walang gustong gumawa dahil complicated, o dahil lang sa akala yata nila eh ako si superwoman at kaya ko lahat. which ever it is, i am not happy. but since whining is the last thing i’d do and the fact that i have sworn to duty, i obey. so now my workload had increased into ten folds of what i used to do.

kaya wala na rin ako time magsulat. wala rin naman talaga akong isusulat. sporadic ang ideas ngayon. at sa lahat ng magtatanong kung bakit hindi ako nagpaparamdam, BUSY TALAGA AKO. sensya. wish ko sana bigyan ulit ako ng day off kasi madami din akong inaayos. personal stuff. tsaka matagal ko nang gustong mag-attend dun sa safety training at safety briefing para makapag-motor na ko.

nalungkot ako nung tinulungan kong mag-pack yung mga kasama kong na-lay off. umiiyak yung isa kasi kaka-repossessed lang ng banko yung bahay nya tapos malaki ang problema nya ngayon financially. emotionally depressed pa sya sa mga nangyayari at sabay na-lay off pa. shit happens talaga.

when it rains, it pours. sometimes it rains too hard and becomes a flood that could drown people alive.

my eye candy!

pwede bang tumahimik na lang muna ako? tutal eh hindi rin naman ako makapagsalita pag kausap na kita. natatameme ako eh. oo, corny na. pero totoo pala yung starstruck. kasi kahit siguro si brad pitt yung nasa harapan ko, madaldal parin ako. pero pag ikaw na, kung pwede yakapin na lang kita.

hehe!

 

ang saya-saya ko na nakausap kita. akala ko hindi mangyayari. pulang-pula nga ako eh. kahit maitim pala pwede rin mamula. hehe! kaso naman myeyecandy, hindi ko pala nabago yung status message sa ym ko habang nag-uusap tayo (my eye candy). huhu! sbi ni manong carlo baka daw nahiya ka na lang magtanong. malamang! kasi ako din hiyang-hiya sa’yo ngayon! wish ko lang talaga hindi mo na lang pinansin o kaya iba ang inisip mo. hindi mo naman alam kung ikaw yung tinutukoy ko ‘di ba? kaso nakakahiya talaga. pero di bale na. malalaman mo rin naman yun pag niligawan na kita. ahaha!

i love you, goodbye.

i went to a party mom and i remembered what you said.

you told me not to drink, so i had a sprite instead.

i felt proud of myself, the way you said i would,

that i didn’t drink and drive, though some friends said i should.

i made a healthy choice and your advice to me was right.

 

the party finally ended and the kids drove out of sight.

i got into my car sure to get home in one piece.

i never knew what was coming mom, something i expected least.

 

now i’m lying on the pavement

and i hear a policeman say the kid that caused this wreck is drunk.

mom, his voice seems far away.

 

my own blood’s all around me, as i try hard not to cry.

i can hear the paramedic say, “this girl is going to die.”

 

i’m sure the guy had no idea while he was flying high.

because he chose to drink and drive, now i have to die.

 

so why do people do it mom, knowing that it ruins lives?

and now the pain is cutting me, like a hundred stabbing knives.

 

tell sister not to be afraid and daddy to be brave.

and when i go to heaven, put “mommy’s girl” on my grave.

 

someone should’ve taught him that it’s wrong to drink and drive.

maybe if his parents had, i would still be alive.

 

my breath is getting shorter,  mom i’m really getting scared.

these are my final moments, i am so unprepared.

i wish you could hold me mom, as i lie here and die.

i wish i could say “i love you mom”

so i love you and goodbye…

 

 

 

 

 

 

ps. Please don’t get behind the wheel when you’re drunk or you’ve had even a single drink no matter how small it is. Think about what might happen, think about the other people who will be on the same road driving with you. think about how unfair it is for them, for their loveones, their families, and your own when you rob someone’s life. it’s not just about getting home, it’s about getting everyone else safe. you don’t live alone in this world, you might as well make it a better place to share and live in.

civilian friends vs. military friends

nabasa ko lang po ito sa blog ng aking kaibigan na si army strong. may katotohanan naman sya kaya nagpaalam ako kung ok lang nakawin ko muna. hehe! pasensya na po sa profanity. sa mga nakakakilala sa akin alam nyong hindi ako marunong magmura. i’ll let this one pass.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you dont get caught 

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs

MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up 

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an Entrance and Exit route

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn…we fucked up…but hey, that shit was fun as fuck!” 

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your pussy.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Steal each other’s stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relatioship problems and hope it works out for you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: know a few things about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would never even think about doing that.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn’t come.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don’t waste.. That’s alcohol abuse!!!” 

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Can’t begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say “I can’t handle Tequila anymore”.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will say “okay just one more” and then 2 minutes later “okay just one more”.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you “They’d take a bullet for you.”

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this  MILITARY FRIENDS: Will REPOST this!

one D is enough

i never asked so seriously for your support until now. i was on the verge of blowing off from severe anxiety. your name constantly repeats on my mind. right there and then i knew i had to do something. i was holding my phone tightly against my chest, like how i did when we used to be “us” before. when you were nowhere to be known, when you were in constant peril (still is, actually). you said i was always the one who looks after you when it comes to these things. neutralizing emotions. consoling when it’s the hardest time to listen. at some point i did, came to a stop and realized that i need you too. maybe need you more than you do to me. but i never showed much of that. mainly because i want to keep you strong. and if you were to draw the strength from me, then i shouldn’t be crashing down on how the world’s toying our complicated lives.

i never needed you this much

never missed your support

never let you know how it feels when you start saying things are going to be fine

never thanked you for the effort

not until a few minutes ago…when i’m facing life at a certain angle i could barely comprehend.

you were there, as always. supporting. consoling. cheering. boosting my dying morale. despite the uber frustrating predicament you are into.

i should’ve known. one YOU is enough.

lagi na lang

lagi ka na lang biglang susulpot sa tuwing magulo ang mundo ko, aayusin mo tapos aalis ka uli.

lagi ka na lang nagpaparamdam pag naguguluhan ako, bibigyan ako ng payo at susubukang na ilagay sa tamang lugar.

lagi ka na lang nagpapatawa sa tuwing nakakaramdam ako ng sobrang lungkot, minsan naiisip ko kung anong meron at sa klase ng buhay natin eh parang petiks lang sa’yo.

lagi mo na lang akong iniitindi sa tuwing may bagay akong gustong gawin kahit na ang ibig sabihin eh mapapalayo ako sa’yo.

lagi na lang ganito…para kang isang kendi na gustong-gusto ko pero hindi ko pwedeng kainin dahil masisira ang ngipin ko.

lagi na lang tayong naghahabulan sa oras, pagkakataon, at panahon.

darating ka bigla sa tuwing kelangan kita…at aalis ka rin lang pagkatapos.

nasasabi mo rin ba sa sarili mo ang mga ito?

natatanong mo rin ba kung bakit andito pa tayo?

 

ps. D, salamat kagabi. hindi ka parin nakakalimot.