One day

What if one day you’ll get to read all that i’ve written here for you? Or what if you’re secretly reading them already. You always knew how to find out things about me, always. Remember those times when i tried to hide things from you just because? Then you will find out and get mad for being lied to, but only temporarily. You said you never get mad at me because you just love me that much. That no matter what i do or how i do things, that you will always find a way to understand. That i can always come back to you when things go wrong, especially when they do go wrong.

Remember that time when i asked, “what if i lose my legs? my eyes? my arms? I wouldn’t be able to walk to you, see you, or even hug you. It would be horrible for me, but more for you. I’d rather not come home and hurt you.”

You said, “it would hurt me more if you don’t come home than all the things you have mentioned combined. if i have to carry you, see for you, and feel for you for the rest of our lives, i’d rather do that than not having you at all.”

Sure enough you did prove how far you would go for me. I almost turned around as soon as i started walking away from you. But i love you too much to not only hurt you and cause more damage. I was so scared you would harm yourself. I still am scared. I’m still living with fear and regret every single waking moment and i don’t know how to get over it. I can’t figure it out.

I miss you very much my love, much more than you know.

I love you everyday, i love you always.


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